9 Responses to “What is the point in trying to save your marriage if your spouse have an affair?”

1. Sheniquah Trois Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 1:28 am

   Kids is the only thing I can think of but my man would be a eunuch if he pulled that B.S.!!!!!
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2. Ray Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 2:14 am

   once a cheater always a cheater especially if you enable them by taking them back
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   my friend james who is a habitual cheater

3. wht_litening Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 2:41 am

   I have to say I agree with Ray – once a cheater always a cheater!
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4. puppysyndrome Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 3:07 am

   Personally, if it happened to me, there would be no point in trying to save my marriage. Cheating is a deal breaker! Cheating doesn’t just happen and it’s not a mistake. It’s a deliberate, conscious choice and with choices come consequences. The biggest consequence is that it could cost you your marriage!…….and knowing that, they choose to cheat anyway.
   Yes, I believe there would always be some resentment……certainly a complete loss of trust and it would hang over your marriage like a big, black cloud.
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5. But Inside I'm Screaming Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 3:40 am

   I agree. Hence, the divorce.
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6. Candi's Boom-Boom Room. Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 4:30 am

   I think people who fight hard are hanging on to the memory of when their marriage was good–I also think the fear of starting a new life plays into it.. I don’t know how I could fight to keep my husband if something like that took place in my marriage–I would be too hurt, it’d be like taking a step forward then 3 steps back every single day….Count me out!
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7. Grumpy Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 4:58 am

   Actually I completely agree with you. I monitor various boards where married and divorcing people discuss the effect of their affairs and/or their spouses affairs on themselves and others. These are the saddest and most infuriating posts on the web. Many betrayed spouses drag out a divorce and prolong their own healing process for years before realizing that they can never forget their partner’s betrayal.

   Based on my own experience (my first wife cheated on me) and what I have gleaned from these boards, if you discover that your spouse is or has been in an affair:

   1. Prepare and file for divorce within days or weeks, not years Confrontation and reconciliation merely prolong the agony and do not heal the betrayed. Also note that an unfaithful spouse can be more agreeable to quick painless divorce to protect their reputation, position, and their illicit relationship..
   2. Do not reveal your knowledge of their affair until AFTER the divorce is final. Knowledge is power and revealing what you know merely reduces this power. Reveal your knowledge of the affair ONLY insofar as necessary to budge your spouse toward divorce, if necessary.
   3. After the divorce is final, THEN you can post the evidence and time line of the affair in a blog so that friends and family can view it.
   4. Don’t "stay for the kids". YOU are not hurting the kids, your spouse cheated on THEM as well as you.
   5. During and after the divorce, help your emotional healing by avoiding contact with your ex-spouse, and avoid painful memory triggers such as furniture, car, house, restaurants, …
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8. urbangirl Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 5:11 am

   From my understanding its 2 things to keep the spouse hanging around 1. Financial 2. Children

   Some people cannot afford to leave the relationship and some don’t want the children to be affected by the break up.

   I knew a few co-workers who told me as soon as the youngest child turned 18 or graduated from high school they packed up and left (that was the end of the marriage) for them.
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9. kmpossible Says:
   July 7th, 2010 at 5:39 am

   The FIRST hint its time to cut bait is when the mate gets caught!-
   It seems pretty cut and dry where you stand when they cheat..Come on what do you think?

   The question of "DON’T YOU LOVE ME" HOW COULD YOU…BLAH BLAh..what answer can he give that will make you say..Oh, I see that’s a good reason..well lets forget it for now and move on…

   Let that punk go and don’t make excuses for him..HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING…COME ON…Dont be a fool…

   Move on
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