Dr. James Cordova, Ph.D. saw the need for a couples counselor skilled in dealing with day-to-day issues that undermine marital bliss. He found that there were programs in place for pre-marital counseling and newlywed counseling, as well as abuse counselors or rehabilitation counselors for crisis situations. Yet there was very little for the rest of the population. Situations can escalate quickly, but decades of research has revealed predictors of marital health and deterioration, Cordova added. “We want to be able to catch the potentially damaging processes in a relationship before they actually do any real significant damage,” he said.

Most of the people in Cordova’s couples counselor study were around 47 years old for husbands and 44 years old for wives, married for an average of fifteen years, although there are some newlyweds and some seniors also involved. Typically, they’ll videotape a couple discussing a problem and the counselors will review it later. “We watch them talk about a problem in their relationship together,” Cordova explains. Two weeks later, he can point out strengths and weaknesses in the tape, then presenting a “menu of options” for dealing with the situations. Sometimes couples may need to see licensed professional counselors, read books or simply spend more time together. Six months later, the couple will respond via a questionnaire to report their progress.

The initial results of these annual counseling sessions for couples have been promising, Cordova reports. In the first 68 couples, most reported increased marital satisfaction, improvements in intimacy and a higher level of cooperation and acceptance in their households. “People that have been through the marriage checkup are improving in all kinds of ways in comparison to couples who haven’t.” He admits that some couples will undoubtedly relapse, as anyone would in medical or emotional therapy, yet those with access to treatment always fare better.

David and Kay Bayer are two study participants who saw a couples counselor together. Though they’ve been married for 23 years, they said they wanted to participate because they feared unanticipated hurdles. “We had two really close friends get divorced and it sort of hit us when they got divorced: ‘What happened to them?’ So, we’re trying to improve on what we saw go wrong,” Kay Bayer said. Through the study, they learned to communicate more effectively, they said. “You don’t realize the little things that may affect your marriage,” Kay Bayer said. “[I was] learning to speak more clearly to him so he could understand where I was coming from. I tend not to think before I speak on some issues.”

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.  

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Magic of Making Up is a manual that contains easy to apply step by step guide authored by T Dub, a Relationship Expert, who has helped over 6,000 people from around the world to get their ex back, including me, through the guides provided in this manual which worked like magic in getting my ex back. I must tell you that it worked for me, till today me and my ex are more in love than before. Check it out http://modospot.com/review/magicofmakingup.html

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/7-steps-on-how-to-save-a-relationship-894228.html

Your ex broke up with you and you want them back. Then why aren’t you doing anything about it? That’s a reasonable question…right? I think I know why. Maybe you really don’t want them back as badly as you think? You’re scouring the Internet for information on how to get my ex back, but why did you wait so long?

Do You Really Want Them Back?

You really have to honestly ask yourself this question, and then answer it truthfully…OK? If you really love them that much and want them back ASAP, why are you dragging your feet? Maybe subconsciously you don’t want them back. But because of your fear of loss, you automatically believe that you do? You feel like they’re your property and you want your property back. Is that it? Is that why you’re not trying very hard to get them back?

How Long Do You Want To Wait?

Do you think it will get easier or harder the longer you wait to start doing the right things to get your ex back? Hey, there might be some instances when it actually might help, but I can’t think of anything right now. My first thought would be it is going to get harder the longer you wait, and keep doing all the wrong things. That makes sense, doesn’t it? The quicker you get off your behind, and get yourself working on a plan to get my ex back, the better. Make today the day you decide to take action.

If you need motivation and guidance then you can join my newsletter. I will share videos, tips, and advice on how to get my ex back, so you can get started today. The sooner you take action the faster you will succeed.

Until next time,

S. Williams

~I know that love hurts but with my help you”ll get strong enough to kick loves ass~

http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com

S.Williams is an accomplished Relationship Adviser, who has helped many people get back together with their ex.

He has written many articles and will work one-on-one with you, to help you follow the best plan out there…to win back your ex.

You can sign up for his free videos, tips, and advice by just clicking here. Do it today, so you can have a better tomorrow. ~I know that “love hurts” but with his help you will get strong enough to kick love’s ass.~

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-get-my-ex-back-what-are-you-waiting-for-894468.html

Do you know why most people never win their ex back? I mean do you know the “real” reason? If not you better pay close attention to what I have to tell you. The first few days after a break up are critical, and this is where most people develop the pattern of bad behavior that will drive their ex away. If you can get “the edge”, you can get your ex back.

Stage One - The Break Up

Just like suddenly finding yourself stranded on an island, or lost in the woods, this breakup has turned your world upside down…right? You start to panic. How will I survive? I am going to die for sure, it’s hopeless. How could this happen to me? This person is surely going to die, unless some kind of miracle happens real soon.

What is this person going to die from? Shame, they will die of shame because instead of trying to survive, they will just sit there and wonder how this could happen to me…sound familiar? The sooner you get rid of the shame and get “the edge”, you will get your ex back, make sense?

Stage Two - The Decision

OK, it’s decision time, are you going give up and quit? Or, are you going to turn this situation around and survive? Most people say “yes, I want to get them back”, and then they go off half heartedly without a plan, and fall flat on their face. Then there are the people who know the only way to succeed is to get “the edge”, and take serious action right away to get your ex back.

You don’t wait until it’s raining to build a shelter…right? Why wait until you’ve done everything wrong for weeks or months before starting to do them right? So what is “the edge” I have been referring to? It is the right information and attitude needed to succeed. Make the right decision and go get a plan to get your ex back, do it today. Don’t become another person who couldn’t get their ex back get “the edge.”

Do you need help getting off your deserted island, or finding your way out of the “woods?” Well then don’t waste another minute and join my newsletter, and I will get you back on track with videos, tips, and advice on how to get your ex back.

Until next time,

S. Williams

~I know that love hurts but with my help you”ll get strong enough to kick loves ass~

http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com

S.Williams is an accomplished Relationship Adviser, who has helped many people get back together with their ex.

He has written many articles and will work one-on-one with you, to help you follow the best plan out there…to win back your ex.

You can sign up for his free videos, tips, and advice by just clicking here. Do it today, so you can have a better tomorrow. ~I know that “love hurts” but with his help you will get strong enough to kick love’s ass.~

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/get-the-edge-and-get-your-ex-back-892378.html

The methods used to strengthen the marital union, the cost of the services and the intention differ between Catholic marriage counseling and marriage therapists. While both types of counseling aim at rebuilding the marital bond, pastoral counselors will invite the couple to return to loving God’s presence in each other and focus on their core principals and values. On the other hand, licensed professional counselors look into communication styles, conflict modes and psychoanalytical topics.

One form of Catholic counseling happens before you even get married. Pre-marriage counseling is generally part of any Christian ceremony. Counseling for couples may be done in sessions, as a weekend retreat or as a group seminar. As with any other marital counseling, you’ll learn about conflict management, identifying wants or needs and strengthening communication skills. Often this opportunity is partially covered by insurance, with a small fee based on an income-sensitive sliding scale. The idea is that pitfalls can be prevented with a little bit of skill building and knowledge prior to tying the knot.

Another type of Catholic marriage counseling is for crisis intervention. Sometimes God’s sheep lose their way and succumb to anger or violence. The Catholic Church can help couples learn to forgive, reform and reconcile. In some cases, the damage or the destructiveness may require another intervention from licensed professional counselors, but the local pastors and priests have community resources at their disposal to deal with whatever discord comes their way.

Whether it’s Catholic marriage counseling or licensed marriage counseling, marriage therapy in general is a great idea so both parties can make their next decision knowing that they did all they could possibly do to strengthen their marriage. Often times, what they learn is valuable enough to light the flames of passion once again, leading to a more fulfilling life together. Selecting a Christian marriage counselor can save you a lot of money, compared to traditional therapy. Also, you can take this time to strengthen your relationship with God, as well as with your spouse.