First of all, you need to realize that no one is “the boss” in a relationship. Sure, people joke about who wears the pants in the marriage, but that should be the both of you. Everything you do should be done together. This does not mean following one another around and being under each other ever second of the waking day.

What we mean by this is those main decisions that need to be made. For instance, when a bill comes in, that is something you should calmly speak about. There are so many people that argue over bills that it is pathetic. When we got married, we told our spouse that we would never let money come in the way of our relationship. To this day, six years later, we are keeping that promises. Do we have money troubles? Yes, but we always talk with one another and learn how to work it out.

In order to really succeed at what you are doing, you will need to put both of your minds to it. This does not mean sitting down at the table for an hour or so, then moving forward with your life. You need to continue repairing that relationship and never stop. Why do we say never stop? Because when you neglect a relationship, troubles will occur.

When you are in a marriage, if you make a mistake, then just fix it. You should never run away from your problems as this is not going to get you anywhere. If the president of the United States and everyone in the white house just threw up their hands and ran away from their problems, where would that leave the citizens of the United States? The same goes for you, if you just threw up your hands and left your family, where would your family be?

You need to learn to respect one another for who you are. Yes, he or she has hobbies you do not exactly understand, but that is what makes them their person. Sure, they play video games and it’s not fun to you, but we are sure you do other things that are not fun to them. Learn about the other’s hobbies. Perhaps, you are not interested in the hobby, because you do not understand it. You see, saving your marriage may not be that piece of cake you had been hoping for, but it is very well possible.

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Obviously, there has to be something that makes the difference between couples that eventually restore the marriage and those that simply fall apart, right?

You may assume that it is a difference in the type of problems that each couple has to overcome, but that is not the answer. Couples facing the most extreme issues can make it through counseling and find happiness together.

Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let’s look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.

First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.

From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.

Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.

Ultimately, you have to listen wholeheartedly, speak the truth, and then go out of the sessions and put what you learn to use. You have to take action every single day to make things better.

Working things out in couple counseling is ultimately not about the talking. It’s about taking the talking into your everyday life to make the deeper issues all better. This is ultimately what successful couples do to stay together.

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